On this day, 25th February 2011, around this time, 0130hr, my goldfish is pronounced dead.
I cried. I cried more than I did for the previous lohan fish I held so dear when it died 4 years ago. This goldfish was far from ordinary. He was as tiny as a guppy when he first came home from the pet shop with his friends. Then he grew huge. I don't remember how long I've had him. (It must have been so long) He soon became my favourite fish of the bunch. He's chubby and cute, there wasn't a reason not to love him; and besides that, he showed me compassion in the fish world. Most goldfishes are not very clever, but he is. It almost feels like he's a human. He had two best friends, which died earlier than he did.
That one incident that got me to like him more was him, offering help to his best friends. The first best friend was about 3/4 his size, it got paralysed after a some unknown accident. It couldn't swim nor move, so the current from the air pumps moved it towards the other end of the tank. It was opposite from where the three of them used to sleep at. And because of this, him and the small one shifted their sleeping places to where the paralysed one is. When the water was cold due to the rain outside, he and the small one cuddle close to the paralysed fish to keep it warm. When we gave them food and the handicapped fish couldn't eat, he grabbed some food in its mouth in attempt to bring it closer to it to eat - no matter how many times the feed float back up the surface. When the paralysed one died, he and the small one got so depressed, they hardly came out of the plants where they rested to eat. Until they got over it, they remain hidden.
Whenever I came home from school, he was there to greet me swimming somersaults, and happily showing off his beautiful fins and tail. Whenever I try to touch him from outside the glass, he would hold his breath, keep his fins towards his body and keep super still as if thinking "If I kept still, maybe the hand might go away." He's playful and friendly when another batch of goldfish were kept in the same tank. They're so mean. They kept chasing him, biting his tail, stomach and he doesn't fight back. And we decided to isolated the mean ones into another tank. Then my mom and aunt brought both him and his good friend over to the other tank thinking they might not attack them. In the end they brought them and 2 other fishes back to the original tank again saying they attacked them and he doesn't seem comfortable. I think this is how they contracted the disease/bacteria. I blame myself for discovering this late. I blame myself for not searching for a cure faster. I blame myself for being useless and only knowing how to cry over his tank when his days are up. I couldn't do anything but pray, pour some medicine, talk/encourage it to continue surviving.
His condition got worse when his companion died after its gills got infected. At first it was just his tail getting blood streaks and inflamation. Then it spread to the left side of his body. It got so bad, the blood spots made a connecting line with his tail, and his gills, parts of his head and stomache got them too. He was hurting and suffering so much he had to lie on one side cause the other side. Today, his coat was getting less reddish, it was turning back to the original colour, the blood streaks retreated back to the tail-body area, the inflamation was reduced slightly and the blood in the inflamation became dull red. I thought it was a sign he was getting better. It gave me hope.
Before he died just now, my aunt first thought it died already because his gills aren't moving anymore and asked me to go look. His body jerked a bit to show me he's still alive. My aunt went back to bed and I sat there with it. He looked at me, gave a last struggle and then he left me as if he was saying goodbye to me. As if he wanted my aunt to go get me to look at him one last time before he leaves. I didn't want to believe so. I nudged him a bit, he didn't move, didn't breathe. I never had a chance to take a picture with him alive but I took one with him when he was dead. For more than 10 minutes, I stood over his body and cried. My cousin woke up and saw me standing over the tank. She came over and consoled me. She wanted me to leave him but I couldn't, I cried even more. She felt sad about it too. He was the only fish I had so many pictures of. He was the only fish who appeared in my dreams and let my mom strike 4D with that dream. He was the only fish who acted so much like a human. He was the only fish I truly loved that waited till I was there to say goodbye to me. In my next life as well as his, I hope we can exchange lives. He can be the human and I can be the fish, I rather be the one taking the suffering for him. I wish he can reincarnate a better life than this one he had for I am a terrible master. Please, if any god or diety can hear my wishes, grant them. If possible, his fish corpse shall be buried in the soil in the plant pots outside my house. Not possible now, since my mom used the green plastic bag from the bakery shop she visited just now to wrap him and throw him away.. I can't stop crying and I lost count of how many nights I cried over his tank.
Thank you for everything.. I Wholeheartedly Love You My Cute And Fat Goldfish...
Yuan Lin made contact with nonsense at
6:21 PM
